


Weebs and Wifi don't mix: AsaNoya smut

by AlyOopsie, Moon_Bear



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AsaNoya - Freeform, Asahi Azumane - Freeform, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu - Freeform, Google docs can be a magical place which is where I wrote this while my friend read it, I made this with my friend from like 1:30 am to 3 am, I'm aging them up in this because I can, It made my friend laugh a lot, Kinda kinky I guess?, Lady Gaga mentions, M/M, Sawamura Daichi - Freeform - Freeform, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi - Freeform, Shakira mentions, Weebs and Wifi do not mix, do people even read these tags, haikyuu!! - Freeform, nishinoya yuu - Freeform, singing is involved, smut i guess, sugawara koushi - Freeform - Freeform, what is this, what is wrong with us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyOopsie/pseuds/AlyOopsie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moon_Bear/pseuds/Moon_Bear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically an AsaNoya smut, I think. Not sure if this qualifies, but I tagged it as smut so whatever. Anyway, yeah. This is the result of me talking to my friend at like 1 AM and I have no idea what's going on anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weebs and Wifi don't mix: AsaNoya smut

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like everyone is extremely out of character, so I apologize beforehand.

“Yo tall strong and motherfucking Jesus, slam that dick in my ass” Noya was certainly god damn kinky, if that was anything Asahi had learned. “Can I eat your booty like it’s groceries or what the fuck are we doing” Asahi got an immediate boner at the fucking gnome’s suggestion. “Give me a minute you sexy mother fucker. I need sustenance.” and so Asahi went to the kitchen for food bc he had the munchies yo.

“I’m gonna ride you on the goddamn counter if I have to, I’m craving dick right now.” “calm the fuck down I’ll shove my magic wand up your ass after my fucking hot pocket.” “give me your fukcing hot pocket i’ll shove it up my own ass and you can eat both the hot pocket and my ass at the same time” Asahi had never been more aroused. Noya was willing to shove a fucking hot pocket up his ass to get Asahi to go to town on his buttcake. Holy shit. This is getting way gayer than i first thought i love it.

Then they got into an argument while two hot pockets were cooking about who would top between Sugawara and Daichi. Asahi said Daichi would top, but Noya thought Suga would top. “Why don’t we just ask them?” “because that’s weird, ‘hey, Suga, Daichi, who tops when you guys fuck?’ you don’t just ask that to people.” Noya felt his dwarf boner expand when he heard Asahi moan in excitement when the hot pockets were done. God dammit hot pockets are amazing. Holy shit Noya was going to ride that tall jesus looking motherfucker until dawn and he’d be damned if he wasn’t allowed to. I mean, they were both going to hell anyway, why not go down a fucking legend by doing all sorts of kinky bullshit like shoving hot pockets up each other’s ass and eating them out?

As Noya was still eating his hot pocket, Asahi decided it’d be a fantastic idea to shove his face in Noya’s ass. “Get your face out of my ass if you aren’t going to be eating me out.” “Pull down your boxers and I’ll eat you out all year if you want me to ;)” god dammit Noya was extremely turned on, Asahi wasn’t usually this seductive when they fucked. He was just a little less hot, and more of a moaning mess with either Noya inside him or him inside Noya.

As Asahi was eating Noya out like the responsible adult he is, he started singing the song that was on the radio. “wHENEVER, WHEREVER, WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER” screamed Asahi, vibrating Noya’s ass. Noya came 68 times at once, and couldn’t sing the next line. Asahi confusedly stopped eating his booty and glanced inquiringly at the gnome who he had just shouted Shakira lyrics in the ass of, wanting him to sing the next fucking line.

“Noya, please. Please. Do it.” Noya thought he meant fuck Asahi in the corndog hole, but apparently that wasn’t what was currently on his boyfriend’s mind. Asahi wanted him to sing the next line, dammit. “I will literally break up with you if you don’t sing Shakira with me you fucking dwarf, and that means this booty is gone.”

You bet Kuroo’s amazing fucking thighs that Noya started to sing Shakira with Asahi. The next song that came on was a god damn Bieber song, so they changed the station. The next was Gaga, so they decided to stick with it for now. Asahi was again eating Noya’s sweet, sweet ass out, trying to resist singing along while his face was in Noya’s back door. Alas, his efforts were useless, he began to sing Lady Gaga’s Just Dance.

“I LOVE THIS RECORD BABY, BUT I CAN’T SEE STRAIGHT ANYMORE. Because i’m gay. I’m extremely gay, Noya.” “no homo bro” “wE ARE LITERALLY DATING AND HAVE HOT GAY SEX 382 TIMES A WEEK NOYA.” “no homo tho, just fuck me up my ass already god damn” “bUT I MUST SING.” “HOMONIZE WITH ME, JESUS.” “DAMN RIGHT I’LL HOMONIZE WITH YOU, SMALL GNOME LOOKING SINNER”

They continued to sing Lady Gaga songs while they put lube all up in Noya’s asshole. Also on Asahi’s diddly dangly ding dong. “Wait bro put on a condom semen diarrhea is not fun I will drag you in the goddamn bathroom to smell my semen infused feces if you don’t.” and so they cleaned off Asahi’s dick of lube via Noya’s tongue and got a condom on his ding a ling. They also put lube on the condom. Always use protection, kids. Safe sex requires consent from both parties, and shouldn’t hurt if you use enough lube.

“wAIT. ASAHI. THIS IS MY JAM. THIS IS MY FUCKING JAM. FUCK ME THIS IS MY JAM HOLY SHIT.” “okay I’ll fuck you but what even is this song?” Noya gasped, extremely surprised. “aSAHI THIS IS LADY GAGA’S BAD ROMANCE. HOW DO YOU NOT- OH my god this is my shit- wALK WALK FASHION BABY, WORK IT MOVE THAT BITCH CRAZY” Noya had grabbed a towel that had been in the kitchen that was for some reason long enough to wrap around his waist and be tied, and was strutting around in it.

Noya then dragged Asahi to the living room, where a stripper pole resided, and proceeded to give Asahi the show of a lifetime. He didn’t have much to strip off, just a towel, his shirt, socks, and a tube sock he wore around his dick 24/7. Never know when you have to catch semen from a surprise erection.

Asahi could feel himself get even more turned on, which wasn’t fucking possible at this point. He his maximum arousal levels long ago, he broke the charts. Surely, this couldn’t be healthy, but he needed to be inside that sexy motherfucking gnome like, 10 minutes ago. So, our lovely jesus got on the pole with Noya and just stuck his own pole in Noya’s love cavern, slamming into the smaller male over and over. 

“Asahi, I’m gonna need you to possibly get the fuck out of me so we can get off the fucking stripper pole.” “How about no” ‘goddamn that’s hot’ thought Noya, enjoying every second of the pole sex, even though his arms were starting to hurt from holding himself up. Luckily, or not so luckily, depending on how you look upon this situation, they came. All over the stripper pole and the floor went Noya’s seed. They were gonna have to clean that up later, weren’t they? God fucking dammit.

“That’s gonna be another ‘mysterious’ stain, but we’re gonna have to clean this off the pole.” god damn :) Asahi could read Noya’s mind. “Hey, not to alarm you, but the condom isn't on my wang anymore.” “Did you lose the motherfucking condom in my ass again?” “Possibly”  
“Hey do you have another boner? Because i do.” “God dammit Noya, I’ll get the coffee condoms.” “yes good”

As Noya waited, Asahi went upstairs to retrieve the condoms and candy underwear. He put on the candy underwear, and made his way back to the living room. “Hey yo dwarf lookit me. I have candy. Love me.” “nice try jesus, but my mommy told me never to take candy from strangers. Also to not mix my colored clothes with my white clothes, but I don’t have any fucking colored clothes, so I’m eating your candy.”

Noya was true to his word. He ate the candy underwear. He fucking absorbed it, which is less hot than it sounds, Asahi found out. He was just suddenly naked again, and oddly aroused. Then, Noya started singing Kiss My Lips by DEV. He was shouting the lyrics. The neighbors could hear. It was three in the fucking morning. “aND GET YOUR HAND OFF MY HIP, AND KISS MY LIPS, KISS MY LIPS, AND DO IT ALL OVER” screamed Noya, way too hyper. Candy did not help. Nothing helped. They were going to go to fucking jail for a noise disturbance.

THEY WERE TOO YOUNG. TOO SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED. JAIL WOULD BE THE END OF THEM. Asahi decided to try to even the odds, after he remembered that his neighbors would be gone for the rest of the month for cruises. How nicely timed. “gO GO LET’S GO LET’S GO DATEKO” screamed Jesus at the energy-filled Goku-looking motherfucker before him.

That is the story of how they both had sore throats from a screaming match the next day. Tanaka teased Noya for sucking so much dick that his voice decided to stop, but it was really the Kiss My Lips vs. Dateko Cheer war that happened while they were furiously buttfucking each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember this was made from 1:30 AM to 3:00 AM, so it may not be the best.


End file.
